Thursday, March 15, 2012

The real Turkey Story

This layout has been years in the making. It is the story that will be told Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving. Here is the journaling:
OK, I can not even believe I didn't get a picture of this. It is so unlike me. But I must say I was a TAD bit aggravated. Well totally friggin pissed off may be a better way of explaining it

Let me set the stage for you all. I love Thanksgiving and turkey!!!! Lots of turkey. Plenty for dinner, lunch the next several days, soups and pot pies. You name it, if it is turkey I love it (except devane for some reason). Several weeks ago Roger went out, without consulting with me, and bought a turkey frier. He announced that he was going to fry the thanksgiving turkey. after some negoation what we came to was I would roast a smaller(15 lbs) than usual turkey and roger would fry a 13 pounder. That would give us all we need. I told Roger to make sure he knew exactly what he was doing b/c I was depending on him. He had been putting things together, reading directions, so I thought (oh you funny funny girl) we were good to go.

Cut to Thanksgiving morning. I am up at 5am getting things organized and ready. I get my turkey preped and stuffed and finally in the oven in time to be able to take it out at about 3pm. At 11AM Roger is all of a sudden trying to put the frier together and saying it is defective. WTF!!!!!. and the next thing I know he is rigging the friggin thing with duct tape. Yes folks that is right. My brilliant husband is using duct tape to hold together something that will be boiling oil at ungodly temperatures!!!! This is where I find out there has been NO dry run of seeing if the frier works. That is issue number 1. Issue number 2...... I hear the following "Hey Kare, can you goole how to fry a turkey?" "WHAT THE *@^#@ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!" "I lost the directions." he tells me. So I google, find directions and let him know, complete with time to cook the turkey and the temperature for the oil. By everything I read it should have taken 39 minutes for chrispy golden fried turkey.

Cut to my turkey coming out of the oven and roger leaving to fry his. Guests arrive. 40 minutes pass. Guests are eating appitizers. Roger reports he need about ten more minutes. My turkey is sitting longer. 15 minutes goes by. seth comes in and says Dad needs 10 more minutes. Male guests go out to check on the frying. 2 more bottles of wine are drunk. My turkey and beginning to get a little dry. OK we just need 10-15 more minutes. The anger is starting to mount in my entire body. 10 minutes later Roger and my BIL come back in for another glass of wine. We need another 10 minutes but "Karen can you please start to carve your turkey?" "Are you kidding??" In 10 minutes time I am carving a turkey, which I suck at, getting all of the dishes out onto the buffet and all of a sudden Roger walks in with his turkey on a platter.

OMGoodness I can not even explain what it looked like. It was like a 13 pound something or other had been plucked out of boiling water. I wa the grossest thing I have ever seen. It was a glossy pastey greyish yellow color. The entire room just fell out laughing. It could not have been funnier (well at that second I could have thought of a thousnad things that were funnier) So I did not have enough turkey. All my guests had turkey but there was nothing left over, no turkey no stuffing. I didn't even have turkey on Thanksgiving. LOL not a big deal usually since I would eat it for the next several days. Now a few people tried Rogers turkey and said if you just took the skin off the turkey was actuall good. But I wasn't trying it.

So what happened you ask....... well here is my brilliant hubby. "I don't need this thermomiter. I can figure out when to put the turkey in." WRONG!!!!! The love of my life has absolutely no patience!!!!! He does not test the heat of the oil. He puts the turkey in the oil before it is hot enough. It drops the temperature of the oil and the turkey cooks at to low a temperature. DISASTER ensues. the rest is history and fodder for stories for all thanksgivings to come.

So I tommorrow a new turkey will be roasting in the huntoon oven. I had some stuff left over to make some more stuffing. I still have all the good trimmings so we will be good to go tomorrow!!!!!! I will have my turkey sandwhich on Sunday!!!! Pot pie SUnday night. It's all good now. Yesterday........ well that was another story....... until the 5th bottle of wine was opened then I didn't care what had happened.


Latharia said...

About damned time! :)

Birdie said...

This story will be told every year at our house as well. This story reminds me of when I was little and my Grannie thought she was putting "Gravy Master" into the turkey gravy but instead we all discovered when we put the gravy on our plates that it was in fact, maple flavoring.